Simply the Best

thank you for always being
my rock and
my light
you are the best
i love you
happy birthday mom!




mother and daughter

thoughts...

as i was walking back across campus to my car after work yesterday i walked by the military building as some of the army rotc members came outside to lower the flag and put it away for the evening. three of them went in sequenced order to retrieve the flag while a fourth stayed behind and simply saluted at attention as "old glory" was lowered to the soldiers below. i thought to myself how pure and simple an act like this was and yet it was incredibly moving to watch. i pondered words in my head like patriotism, brotherhood, sisterhood, unity and thought to myself that the world would be a much better place if more pure and simple acts were recognized and appreciated.

it is said that the United States was founded on ideas such as brotherhood, unity, and togetherness and yet everyday we see and hear about individuals around the world and throughout the country who are reaching out without anyone reaching back. to think that the simple act of smiling at someone on the street could make their day just a little bit brighter or that helping a friend in need may make their lives a little bit easier. it is these little pure and simple acts that will make the world a better place--acts of reaching out to another individual, bringing them some peace of mind. life is much too short to live only for one's self when there are people, like soldiers, who die for their country and the people that they leave behind in that country. though we may not support the reason they are fighting it is important that we support them--say thank you to them for risking their lives for others. so i guess my point is this (and i got to it in a very roundabout way, i know) life is much too short to forget to let the people around you know that you care about them, that you appreciate them. in an instant it could be over.

so tell them--let them know. your family, friends, dog, cat, someone who makes a difference in your life--let them know that you appreciate them.

end of "being kind to others" diatribe. :) --(please excuse anything that may not make sense as i'm writing this while tired)... :)

colonial cemetery, savannah, ga --1750-1853 (closed against burials)

i am

who i am

what i am

loving it

loving life

loving me.

can't sleep

i'm writing because i can't sleep. i can't sleep because my heart hurts and it's making my stomach turn. where do i remember this from? oh yes...i remember now. men cause your heart to hurt. you fall for them much too fast even if you don't want to and then you fall hard and just as fast as you fell for them.

i won't do it...the heartache thing. i can't. i've been so happy the past few months and i refuse to give that up. i have a trust problem. you really have to work hard to earn my trust...maybe that's a good thing, maybe not. i have a problem with putting too much of myself into things and expecting things and dreaming up the things that inevitably won't happen. why? because i push to hard. i allow myself to get pulled in and then i push people away because i'm too much for them. i overly exert i guess. but maybe this isn't my fault. maybe it's other people. i deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and love...every woman does.

i refuse to depend on someone else for my happiness. but dammit i can't get you out of my head and so there you remain until things are better...until i know that we're "ok".

when i feel something and i know that something is there i grab at it. and i hold tight. maybe i love to hard. can one love too hard or too much? is it overwhelming for people around her?

art by Kyle M. Stone www.kylemstone.com/paintings16.html

busy girl

wow. i didn't realize how insanely packed a semester could be even without marching band. tonight was made for catch up. i went to the gym, did my workout thing, and now i'm going to get ungross and hit the books. school is going well, there's just a lot of it.

my friend brittani and i are trying to get our senior recital squared away. we know that we're going to have it outside of the music building we just don't know where yet. options right now are the spencer museum of art on campus or signs of life coffee shop downtown (which would be a lot of fun, but we probably wouldn't have room for as many people...so that's in the works...

i'm getting in more practice time little by little...i've discovered that if i have a half hour to kill that i can just work through a piece of music. last semester of this...then i can play flute for fun (what an uncanny concept!)

besides school and work there is el social life. it is good. i am happy. i'm enjoying spending time with my friends and doing the college thing. it's amazing what we learn over time about how important friends are. these friends have stuck by my side through thick and thin even when i put them on the back burner, which, if you're reading this, i am SO sorry. i was a total ass for awhile, but i thank God that you all stayed with me.

probably the best part of my weekend was getting to see my best friend Karen. she totally rocks. we went to the football game, el mezcal for late night mexican food, and even made a completely traditional and most unnecessary target run in which we, for sake of tradition, bought things that we didn't need. "retail therapy" she calls it. even though we're far apart seeing her this weekend made me see that we haven't missed a beat. i'm hoping to go up to D.C. and see her over fall break.

and last but not least in my world is the guy i'm seeing. he makes me smile and is an all around happy person, which is good because i have recently become a generally happy person. best of all he gets along great with my friends and mom likes him too (which she should considering she's the one who set me up with him). i'm enjoying this.

i'm enjoying life. and as i write this, i realize that after all the bitching i do about classes and work and never having any time to do all the things i want to do, i have it pretty darn good. i am happy, healthy, have wonderful friends and family who love and care about me, a bedroom that is peaceful and a nice place to rest, and, of course, a damn flute, which i love, but will love more when i'm not being forced to play for professors.

that is where i am right now. here is a picture to match my blog entry, as that is the title of the blog after all...

amanda

karen and amanda at the parent's house :)