"A Day in the Life"--The Beatles

My New Year's Resolutions (8 for '08)--for the world to see:

1. Eat healthier.

2. Exercise at least 3x per week.

3. Save $$$, don't spend (as much) $$$.

4. Go to Yoga more often.

5. Learn something new.

6. Start a scrapbook and a photography portfolio.

7. Write in a journal.

8. ENJOY LIFE!!!

i will also be labeling each of my blog entries with a song that i think fits with the topic. :)

"new beginnings"

"Learning to Breathe"--Switchfoot

I've decided to take better care of myself. Mentally, physically, emotionally--I've been injuring myself on all of those levels. (I could start by going to bed earlier instead of writing, but I'll just let that one slide...)


When I started anew over the summer I promised to allow myself to be happy and not to depend on others for my happiness, for I am the only one that can make me happy. I can decide to be or not to be and dammit, I've spent too much time in my life being unhappy. I'm done. I know that life has its ups and downs, but I'm going to go out in the world and create some ups for myself. I quit my job. That was step one. Here we go. Get a new job and start a new independent woman lifestyle. This is what I need. I need to be with myself for awhile. Live my life...nothing holding me back...just be myself.

Tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow night I get to spend time with the girls that I've been friends with for 15 years. Life is a beautiful thing and I don't intend to waste it.




"my oldest friend"

Ice Storm 2007

Photos by Amanda B. Faletra (Me) :o)

so...

...this is one of my favorite poems. it puts me at peace when i'm troubled.

Sure on This Shining Night--James Agee

Sure on this shining night
Of starmade shadows round,
Kindness must watch for me
This side the ground.

The late year lies down the north
All is healed, all is health.
High summer holds the earth.

Hearts all whole
Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far alone
Of shadows on the stars.

stalling

i really shouldn't be blogging. i should, as a matter o' fact, be translating two pages of english text to german. but i'm going to blog because i'm feeling overwhelmed with life and this usually helps.

there are 7 school days left of the semester. there's the first stress. so much to do in so very little time as it is at the end of every semester. and, like me, everyone else is procrastinating and will end up pulling one or two all nighters, but not until absolutely necessary. not until the bitter end. the bitter end for me being next wednesday night around 8:00. but hopefully all is well by then...hopefully. so, i think until then, instead of bitching about all of the things i have to do i'm going to write down some things that i'm grateful for. here goes...

1. for my loving family and friends who can always make me smile and always give me a shoulder to cry on

2. for my dog who always understands me

3. for a great boyfriend who likes me for me

4. for KU football's kick ass season. 11-1 ain't too shabby. :)

5. for my mom, as she is my rock and i am hers. plus, she's taking the pressure off of me and taking care of all of the post-recital food and drink details.

6. for getting snow the day after thanksgiving...it was quite pretty for the time it was there even though it melted pretty fast.

so. time is time. i don't really think it can be wasted or saved, we just spend it, live it and try our best not to rush through it. may we all do a little less bitching and a little more thinking about what we are grateful for in our lives. at the very least, we should be grateful that we ARE alive, for that is a great gift in itself.

"solace"

well life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve...

It's amazing, how you can go all afternoon not thinking about something that is upsetting and then all of a sudden it hits you. My aunt is the third person in the past three years to be diagnosed with cancer in my family. She has breast cancer. My dad (father) is recovering from prostate cancer surgery. My dad (stepdad) is going strong after surviving colon cancer. Several years ago my grandmother had lung cancer and my grandfather died shortly before I was born of leukemia. My stepgrandmother passed away of pancreatic cancer.

It just doesn't seem fair. We live our lives to the best of our ability and many of us end up with this disease in some shape or form. All we can do is take preventative measures in order to "catch it early" and have "early detection." It's frightening. For women, for men, for everyone involved. So quickly a life can change, so abruptly. I can't even imagine what it's like to hear those words from the doctor. Cancer affects families throughout the world. To be quite honest and blunt, it just plain sucks that as we grow older, generations before us (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) also grow older and ultimately end up dealing with things such as cancer just as my generation will also deal with illness in our own bodies someday...as some already have. And we fight. Families help each other fight the cancer. It's a will power thing. If you believe it, it can happen.

So, live life to the fullest. Be kind to people as you never know what they are going through. Tell your family and friends that you love them and that you care about them. And have faith that everything will be okay in the end...otherwise, it's not the end.

KU vs. Mizzou

Grandpa Simpson tells it like it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv1G2-Cz6ek

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK GO KU!!!

Trippin'

i am visiting our nation's capitol this weekend and let me tell you that the pictures you see on t.v., in magazines, in movies, do not even begin to do this place justice. it's just amazing. i don't think i stopped smiling all day. i'm still smiling now. :)

this city has got it down...from memorials that give you goosebumps, monuments that make you feel so physically small that it's hard to fathom, and just a genuine national spirit that i don't think you can really pick up on quite like this in many more places.

seeing kermit the frog, dizzy gillespie and louis armstrong's trumpets, and george washington's uniform all in one place was completely mind blowing. seeing a memorial of the war that my grandpa fought in and that my other grandparents were children during was soulful. we were totally bloated after having an amazing lunch at a D.C. "must go", Old Ebbitt's where i ate amazing crabcakes, canneloni and an incredible piece of cheesecake. but getting to do all of this with my best friend was probably the best part of the entire day--i have a feeling it will be the best part of the entire trip. :)

i was thinking today about how happy i've been lately and how you can be different kinds of happy. being here in D.C. with my best friend makes me happy (she said matter-o-factly). i cannot think of another person that i would rather see this stuff with. we had so much fun today and laughed so hard and walked so far that on the way home we were so completely and utterly exhausted that all we could do was sit on the metro in complete silence. that is how you know you are good friends...when you can sit in complete silence with someone and still be having a conversation. that is a bond that no one can break.

good night d.c. see you in the morning.

jefferson memorial--amanda and karen '07

my life: the soundtrack

I did this by taking all of my songs that I have on my computer and put it on shuffle. I took whatever song popped up...I went through twice because I felt like it. :)

Opening credits: "You're in My Heart"--Rod Stewart, "Above Ground"--Norah Jones
Waking up: "Days Go By"--Lifehouse, "Favorite Year"--Dixie Chicks
Average day: "Stoppin' the Love"--KT Tunstall, "Jaded"--Aerosmith
First date: "A Walk on the Ocean"--John Mayer (remake), "Get Ready"--The Temptations
Falling in love: "Name"--Goo Goo Dolls, "Here Comes the Sun"--The Beatles
Love scene: "Dancing with Angels"--SheDaisy, "This Woman Needs"--SheDaisy (two in a row!)
Fight scene: "Humble Me"--Norah Jones, "Your Cash Ain't Nothin' But Trash"--Huey Lewis
Breaking up: "Kokomo"--The Beach Boys (haha!), "Slide"--Goo Goo Dolls
Getting back together: "I Rock the Party that Rocks the Party"--Queen Latifah, "Oh Love"-- Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood
Secret love: "Build Me Up Buttercup"-The Temptations, "Taking The Long Way"--Dixie Chicks
Life's okay: "Love is the Movement"--Switchfoot, "1, 2 Step"--Missy Elliot and Ciara
Mental breakdown: "Those Sweet Words"--Norah Jones, "Broadway"--Goo Goo Dolls
Driving: "Throttleneck (instrumental)"--Brad Paisley, "Don't Stop Me Now"--Queen
Learning a lesson: "Heal Over"--KT Tunstall, "Letter to Me"--Brad Paisley (very fitting)
Deep thought: "All at Once"--The Fray, "New York"--Frank Sinatra
Flashback: "Lose Control"--Missy Elliot, "Why Georgia"--John Mayer
Partying: "Symphony No. 6"--Beethoven (huh?) :), "Everything is Everything"--Lauryn Hill
Happy dance: "Hello, Dolly!"--Barbara Streisand, "She's Some Kind of Wonderful"--Huey Lewis
Regreting: "Ironic"--Alanis Morrisette, "Heart Shaped Box"--Nirvana
Long night alone: "You Left the Water Running"--Huey Lewis, "It's All Been Done"--BNL
Death scene: "Everytime We Say Goodbye"--Ray Charles, "Fish Heads"--Dr. Demento (haha!)
Closing credits: "Bye Bye Miss American Pie:--Don MacLean, "Sugar Sugar"--The Archies

"Sea Foam"--AF 2007

music

i love being able to sit down at my desk and have all of my music at my fingertips. i can listen to ella fitzgerald, john mayer, chicago, the beatles, or carole king all with the click of a mouse. time flies when music is in my ears. 2 hours gone, just like that...kind of like tonight.

music--i highly recommend it. it's a soul healer, mood lifter, time waster, and a good friend that knows exactly how you feel. my life is a soundtrack--every emotion, every situation, every day.

"What we play is life."--Louis Armstrong

"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."--Maya Angelou

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."--Victor Hugo

"The Little Rascals"

Simply the Best

thank you for always being
my rock and
my light
you are the best
i love you
happy birthday mom!




mother and daughter

thoughts...

as i was walking back across campus to my car after work yesterday i walked by the military building as some of the army rotc members came outside to lower the flag and put it away for the evening. three of them went in sequenced order to retrieve the flag while a fourth stayed behind and simply saluted at attention as "old glory" was lowered to the soldiers below. i thought to myself how pure and simple an act like this was and yet it was incredibly moving to watch. i pondered words in my head like patriotism, brotherhood, sisterhood, unity and thought to myself that the world would be a much better place if more pure and simple acts were recognized and appreciated.

it is said that the United States was founded on ideas such as brotherhood, unity, and togetherness and yet everyday we see and hear about individuals around the world and throughout the country who are reaching out without anyone reaching back. to think that the simple act of smiling at someone on the street could make their day just a little bit brighter or that helping a friend in need may make their lives a little bit easier. it is these little pure and simple acts that will make the world a better place--acts of reaching out to another individual, bringing them some peace of mind. life is much too short to live only for one's self when there are people, like soldiers, who die for their country and the people that they leave behind in that country. though we may not support the reason they are fighting it is important that we support them--say thank you to them for risking their lives for others. so i guess my point is this (and i got to it in a very roundabout way, i know) life is much too short to forget to let the people around you know that you care about them, that you appreciate them. in an instant it could be over.

so tell them--let them know. your family, friends, dog, cat, someone who makes a difference in your life--let them know that you appreciate them.

end of "being kind to others" diatribe. :) --(please excuse anything that may not make sense as i'm writing this while tired)... :)

colonial cemetery, savannah, ga --1750-1853 (closed against burials)

i am

who i am

what i am

loving it

loving life

loving me.

can't sleep

i'm writing because i can't sleep. i can't sleep because my heart hurts and it's making my stomach turn. where do i remember this from? oh yes...i remember now. men cause your heart to hurt. you fall for them much too fast even if you don't want to and then you fall hard and just as fast as you fell for them.

i won't do it...the heartache thing. i can't. i've been so happy the past few months and i refuse to give that up. i have a trust problem. you really have to work hard to earn my trust...maybe that's a good thing, maybe not. i have a problem with putting too much of myself into things and expecting things and dreaming up the things that inevitably won't happen. why? because i push to hard. i allow myself to get pulled in and then i push people away because i'm too much for them. i overly exert i guess. but maybe this isn't my fault. maybe it's other people. i deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and love...every woman does.

i refuse to depend on someone else for my happiness. but dammit i can't get you out of my head and so there you remain until things are better...until i know that we're "ok".

when i feel something and i know that something is there i grab at it. and i hold tight. maybe i love to hard. can one love too hard or too much? is it overwhelming for people around her?

art by Kyle M. Stone www.kylemstone.com/paintings16.html

busy girl

wow. i didn't realize how insanely packed a semester could be even without marching band. tonight was made for catch up. i went to the gym, did my workout thing, and now i'm going to get ungross and hit the books. school is going well, there's just a lot of it.

my friend brittani and i are trying to get our senior recital squared away. we know that we're going to have it outside of the music building we just don't know where yet. options right now are the spencer museum of art on campus or signs of life coffee shop downtown (which would be a lot of fun, but we probably wouldn't have room for as many people...so that's in the works...

i'm getting in more practice time little by little...i've discovered that if i have a half hour to kill that i can just work through a piece of music. last semester of this...then i can play flute for fun (what an uncanny concept!)

besides school and work there is el social life. it is good. i am happy. i'm enjoying spending time with my friends and doing the college thing. it's amazing what we learn over time about how important friends are. these friends have stuck by my side through thick and thin even when i put them on the back burner, which, if you're reading this, i am SO sorry. i was a total ass for awhile, but i thank God that you all stayed with me.

probably the best part of my weekend was getting to see my best friend Karen. she totally rocks. we went to the football game, el mezcal for late night mexican food, and even made a completely traditional and most unnecessary target run in which we, for sake of tradition, bought things that we didn't need. "retail therapy" she calls it. even though we're far apart seeing her this weekend made me see that we haven't missed a beat. i'm hoping to go up to D.C. and see her over fall break.

and last but not least in my world is the guy i'm seeing. he makes me smile and is an all around happy person, which is good because i have recently become a generally happy person. best of all he gets along great with my friends and mom likes him too (which she should considering she's the one who set me up with him). i'm enjoying this.

i'm enjoying life. and as i write this, i realize that after all the bitching i do about classes and work and never having any time to do all the things i want to do, i have it pretty darn good. i am happy, healthy, have wonderful friends and family who love and care about me, a bedroom that is peaceful and a nice place to rest, and, of course, a damn flute, which i love, but will love more when i'm not being forced to play for professors.

that is where i am right now. here is a picture to match my blog entry, as that is the title of the blog after all...

amanda

karen and amanda at the parent's house :)

class!

well, today classes started up again. i think it's going to be a really good semester. it's definitely jam packed, but it will be fun. i'm really excited about my religion and my german courses. finally, something new and outside of the music department! yay!

more later...

auf wiedersehen!

freakishly hot

after playing softball at 1:00 in the afternoon with the heat index spiking at a balmy 112 degrees i can tell you without restraint that it is freakishly hot outside. the bad thing is that you don't realize how bad it is until much later. i was fine after the game after have guzzled down about a gallon or more of water and gatorade, but then the headache came. a heat headache. it felt like a migrane and pulsed right behind my eyes. much better now, but WOW. i hate that pain...everytime i get a headache i fear that it will go on and on like the one i had a couple years ago when it hurt to breathe.

i'm blabbing about all this to say, in short, BE CAREFUL. don't be stupid. drink water, drink gatorade, drink any fluid that is going to hydrate you (i.e. NOT alcohol or caffeine). people can get seriously ill in temperatures like this that are hitting all over the US. so look out for your loved ones and make sure that everyone is getting water. there is a fine line between hydration and dehydration and it's not one you want to cross.

mommy lecture over.

amanda :)

"it's gonna be a hot one"--sunrise, satellite beach, fl

moved in!

wow! i'm finally, mostly, sorta kinda moved in to my new place of residence! :) my room is starting to look really good and it's really the first time that i haven't felt cluttered in a long time. i really am going to try to get organized this year. i got a new planner today and some highlighters so that i can be super anal-retentive when it comes to my schedule...heehee.

i think after a day of shopping for apartment stuff out in the heat a night of movies and some alone time is definitely called for. it's hotter than hell outside--gonna be worse tomorrow--and i'm going to be playing softball tomorrow at 1:00 in the afternoon. yikes!!! it's gonna be a scorcher.

well, off to enjoy my new place. more later...

amanda

st. john the baptist cathedral, savannah, ga

back to reality

i'm leaving the beach bum life in the morning and going back to the real world. sand, sun and waves has been wonderful this past week, but i'm going back to the life i love at home. i guess you could say i have three homes, all of which i feel pretty much at peace with myself and who i am and who i want to be.

here's to starting a new blog!

sunrise on Hilton Head Island