"Shoot the Moon"--Norah Jones

Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at myself from the outside--like I'm not actually me, but wondering who "me" is. Some days I know, I'm solid about who I am, who Amanda is. Some days I'm that person on the outside trying so hard to see in.

I feel like I've missed so much. Sometimes I feel so alone. I spent most of the past 2 years listening to someone else, holding myself back from opportunities. It's when I finally stopped listening and started doing that it hit me what I'd been missing out on. I regret that time lost. But regretting is a waste of time isn't it? I have to move forward. I have to let go of the past and what I lost in my college experience and do it now. Experience, live, meet new people, do new things. I need to say "Yes!" and start making up for all of the nos the past few years. Too many nos. Too many missed opportunities.

I wish I would have seen it sooner. I wish my heart and my mind would have worked together.

But it's a new year and a fresh(ish) start. I'm going to take it. This semester will be one for the books. Quit feeling sorry for myself and my mistakes and get out there and do something about it. :)

A part of me is grateful though. I've come to realize how lucky I am to have people in my life that stick by me no matter what, that still want to stay in touch no matter how many times I turned them down in the past, let them down in the past.

I'm done letting others down and most of all I'm done letting myself down. Time to find myself.

"Small Town Harbour"--Ireland